The Certain Realities of Uncertain Change

And so as we all finished eating our home-made Cream Teas, many of us decided it was time for a film.  I consider that decision to be driven by tiredness, and likely a sensible one - as we were all very tired.

But myself and a friend decided to play cards instead.  We played the same game for two plus hours, it was a dull game.  But we talked together, and that is what it was about.

My friend is recently married, and we rejoiced and reminisced about the day and ensuing days.  And as we spoke, I reflected upon the idea of change.  Change is always there.  At the current time in my life, the certainty of change seems only second to the certainties of God.  Please note the key word in that sentence is seems.  

As I go into my last year at London School of Theology, feeling a call into pastoral ministry - though unsure of how that will manifest itself - I am realising a longing for stability.  And also realising that I am probably putting my hope in the wrong things for that stability.  

I desire to know what I will do once my degree is over, but I desire substantially less to have to put in the work to find out.  I desire to have a wife and family, but desire far less the work that goes in to changing my attitude and priorities.

At the moment, I want all that God has got for me but do not want to be working for his mission.  I've only just realised this.  It is time for more change.  I need to step up, man up.  Not saying that in any way I am the cause of any of this.  It is only by God's grace and mercy that he has even opened my eyes to this.  And it will only be by His grace and mercy that I will change, and I am confident that I will, because my confidence that Christ will finish the work he has started in me far, far outweighs my own laziness and sinfulness.

I am forgiven, I am an heir with Christ, I am saved.  It deserves my all, He shall get my all.